So I’m not really sure the point of this post, but pls bear with me as it’s not the easiest topic for me to discuss.
When I was around 15/16, I was in the most toxic relationship imaginable, and considering that was my first ‘proper boyfriend’, I really do think it has influenced the way I have been with men growing up. I think it’s only in hindsight I have started to realise this, purely because at the time the relationship was SO ridiculous, I, and others around me, started to trivialise it and treat it as one big joke.
However, it wasn’t a joke to me, it was all real and my feelings were real, and my feelings got hurt, really badly. As people thought it was such a joke, I felt too uncomfortable to discuss it with anyone around me, and it is completely my fault, what kind of person stays with someone when they’ve cheated on you with one of your friends? OH YEAH THAT’S RIGHT ME FFS.
That wasn’t the only time he cheated either, just it’s difficult to top when it’s with one of your mates. I was emotionally abused to HIGH HEAVENS and although it might have been easy to laugh from the outside at the foolishness of a girl to put herself through it, please remember everything is not always as it seems, relationships aren’t black and white.
I’ve always been interested in exploring whether this is the reason my taste in men has been, well, questionable to say the least. I haven’t had a ‘long term’ relationship since, and I know I’m only young, but the idea is just beyond me. I was with someone who I gave every single piece of me and how did he repay me? Well huns he used to break up with me approx 4 times a week and I think once we broke a record and our relationship status changed 16 times on facebook…in one day 🙂 🙂 🙂
But there I was, little Sez begging and pleading for the guy who had cheated on me to take ME back? Isolating myself from everyone so he didn’t get jealous whilst he was going on dates behind my back? To be fair it wasn’t even behind my back – he just used to say he was going on a date and switch his phone off, but I was apologising? Ok makes sense xoxox
I guess my point is, sometimes telling your friend to ‘just dump them’ can seem like the easiest option – I’m guilty of it too – but just dig a little deeper because it is never that simple. You might think your friend is absolutely crazy for staying with someone who you can clearly see is a piece of s**t, but I know first hand how manipulative people can be, so never take what is happening at face value.
Like I say – not entirely sure of the point of this but I guess to summarise:
- *weight lifted*
- SUPPORT UR PALS
Love Seren x
PS. If you are really struggling and feel like you have no one to talk to – I urge you to reach out to those who love you – if that is not an option visit https://youngminds.org.uk/ for advice x